It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. He went up to her, talked to her, and convinced her to come back to his hotel room for the night. Go back in time and start playing at a younger age. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. How many strokes was that? What do golf and sex share in common? The harder you practice, the luckier you get. Gary Player, 32. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? A good golfer has the determination to win and the patience to wait for the breaks. Gary Player, 53. But dont take it from us, check out the funny golf quotes below and enjoy a laugh or two. See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. How Long Does It Take to Play 18 Holes of Golf? Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." -Lee Trevino "Golf is my profession. Bobby Darnel, If you want to hook a ball turn both hands toward the right side on the grip or shaft. Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. If I learn that you are a fan of diving - I would suppose that your psychological portrait includes such features as curiosity, patience, and insistence. Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. Lift your head and spread your legs. Basketball is a sport for black men. Required fields are marked *. So, what are your thoughts? "Of course I do, my dear -- it was the day I sank that thirty-foot Hi there! Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. Spread your legs a little more. At the golf corpse! Many of these expressions of life, result in taking the form of wishes, quotes, greetings, messages, and captions. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. If it is the dirty element that gives pleasure to the act of lust, then the . It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. P.G. You hit down to make the ball go up. Would you mind being treated like a green that I'm 140 yards away from, holding my pitching wedge with very little wind in any direction? Quotes tagged as "golf" Showing 1-30 of 130. What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? "Golf is my profession. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. 2. 4. Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! I give the ball some sweet talk. Are you looking for some funny jokes? If you want to share these funny golf quotes pictures on social media like Fb, Insta, WhatsApp, or Twitter, you can also do that. Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. I had a hole in nothing. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! Golf is a lot like life. It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! Correct one fault at a time. Keep your head down. 6. After 18 holes, I can barely walk. Jim Bishop, I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. Well, what can you really say about the great Chi Chi Rodriguez's quote? Dont even putt. Like a PGA Tour pro once said to his pro-am partners, youre not good enough to get angry. So dont even try it. When you hit the cup but dont sink the shot, its called Prom Night. A dirty joke is a joke that is usually considered inappropriate because of its indecent punchline. I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it is disgusting to watch. Because you got me soaking wet. Noah who? Do you share these funny golf jokes? Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. "I'm the best. After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin. Noah golf pro who can fix your swing? Check it out now! They like cricket better. Golf is about how well you accept, respond to, and score with your misses much more so than it is a game of your perfect shots. Dr. Bob Rotella, 64. Golf is a game where the ball lies like crap, but the player lies like a pro. Dave Barry, If you drink, dont drive. In golf as in life, it is the follow through that makes the difference. Anonymous, 34. In the Golf of Mexico! Your email address will not be published. The worst day of mini golf beats the best day of work. Palmer calmly said, What the hell do you want it to back up for?. My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! In case he got a hole in one! For more great quotes on life, golf and from books and authors, check out this site and this site. The end. Lorii Myers, Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. Happiness is a long walk with a putter Greg Norman, 38. Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron. What is the difference between a fisherman and a golfer? See you in the Email! Play golf. Twelfth son of the Lama. Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? When hes not on the green, you can find him wishing that he was Fortunately hes happy tojust chat about it here until the next time. They expect to succeed! Your email address will not be published. As you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. Ben Hogan, 25. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton, 63. When is it too wet to play golf? Why do golfers hate cake? 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The true funniest golf quotes of all time are likely never put to paper and aren't spoken by golfers or celebrities. "Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church." brockoli117 on Reddit.com. So I thought I should start a website about jokes. The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user. About 160 yards was his reply. Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. 2. I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. Gerald R. Ford, the 38th President of the United States and the first to admit a lack of talent on the links. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. He couldnt stop puttzing around! Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a468f26f096b5aaed8fdef8efc580f6f" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. "If you break 100, watch your golf. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. This position should feel sort of unnatural and should permit you to hook the ball without altering your golf swing. H. G. Wells, The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. One fine day, John and Don are out golfing when John slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. Golf Club Distance & Driving Distances for Women Golfers, Providing a Community & Womens Golf Resources, How to Build Consistency in Your Golf Game, Golf is Hard. Jack Lemmon is probably remembered best for his roles in The Odd Couple and The Apartment. 19. To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. Steve Bann, It is surely quite superfluous to mention / To a person who has been here half an hour / That Golf is what engrosses the attention / Of the people, with an all-absorbing power. You swing left and the ball goes right. Golfing? Thats how long a Scotsman takes to finish a bottle of Scotch! As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. Theres no sense in going to a tournament if you dont believe that you can win it. Tiger Woods, 20. The battle that raged inside each players head. In a way, this quote is a stand-in for the entire volume of comedic wit and great golf quotes in Caddyshack. Two men were playing a round golf, one of the men was just about to make his golf swing when he noticed a large funeral group passing by on a nearby road. Who taught Elin Nordegren to swing a golf club? Golf got its name because all of the other four-letter words were taken. Is that my golf bag in your pants because I just finished a long drive and I'd like to put my wood in it? Look at the size of his putter. You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. 4. The flowing robes, the grace, bald striking. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. 9. Besides that, I love to explore. Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you. Arnold Palmer, 65. "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember Henry Beard, Like clubs inside my golf bag / each verse a different face / Some to drive straight down the course / others lift and then embrace. Andy. Not just in the game, but that can be applied to life, relationships and ones mindset. Achieve more with each and every round you play.Go Premium to et full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. Don't dirt your soul. I was off to-day! You're like an ugly dog-leg, but I'd still like to tee off. . Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." You wont be able to keep your head down long enough. Their expectation, however, is very different. That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. My three keys to success: One, work hard. I never prayed that I would make a putt. What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? What's the difference between a golfball and a Nissan? Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, Its golf balls., The blond looked at him compassionately and said: Oh you poor thing. How about grabbing two of your friends so we can play a foursome? From the moment I saw you, I've had a vertical shaft angle. Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. These funny golf sayings are gathered here from all over the web so that they can serve your purpose. Toggle Navigation Menu . If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. And only one secret has emerged, one swing of thought that always works. What do you call a blonde at the driving range? So, I'm on the first tee with him. Days when you just dont have it, you dont pack it in, you give it everything youve got. Kurt Philip Behm, Golf is an ideal diversion but a ruinous disease. Gardner Dickinson, Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious. the flag cant jump. Who do golfers pay tribute to on the 4th of July? Your second mental problem is concentration. How about you be my caddy and wash my balls tonight? All lip, no hole. Its not just enough to swing at the ball. 7. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. No matter how badly you play, always remember its possible to play even worse. I bet that hurts a whole lot worse than tennis elbow?. Their fore-fathers! 8. Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. The right place is right here with me, in my bed. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. -Bob Hope 22. Tiger Woods can drive a ball three hundred yards! / In despair my overburdened spirit sinks / Till I wish that every golfer was in glory / And I pray the sea may overflow the links. Your email address will not be published. Unfortunately, it stopped three inches short of the hole dead on line. After his practice round he noticed a beautiful young woman by the clubhouse. A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked a question. Get in the hole! There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. Would you like to see my Slazenger along with my freshly cleaned balls? I stepped on a rake.". Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. The little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? Because I'm going to come after you aggressively and probably leave a ball mark. Learn More. Success depends almost entirely on how effectively you learn to manage the games two ultimate adversaries: the course and yourself. Jack Nicklaus, 45. Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. USE OF AND/OR REGISTRATION ON ANY PORTION OF THIS SITE CONSTITUTES ACCEPTANCE OF OURVISITOR AGREEMENT(UPDATED 1/6/23),PRIVACY AND COOKIES NOTICE(UPDATED 1/4/23) ANDCALIFORNIA PRIVACY NOTICE. That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. So what are you waiting for? She can only show you her dirty secrets in private, only with you. I promise to lick your balls clean and polish your shaft before and after each use during the upcoming golf season. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. Roy Tin Cup McAvoy, the greatest that never was. Americans infatuated with golf established country and golf clubs, built ornate clubhouses, laid out inland park courses, experimented with new types of equipment, and even modified time-honored rules. A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. Golf is like doing your taxes. How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course? It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I cant play it. Discover the views of a person who feels the same way we do. Man: Please dont go. Your email address will not be published. He was puttering around. 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. A dinner without wine. I stepped on a rake. And, on top of that, the winner buys the drinks. Not sure who said it, but whoever did understands the game, at times, doesnt make much sense. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. Its just really hard to play. but I can show you what is! Why not! "While playing golf today I hit two good balls. 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. If you like football - I would rather think that you are active, optimistic and strict a bit. Id cry too if I played golf like you. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. Lee Trevino. How we get there is as important as where we go. Old Tim Morris, 6. Full Text: Thank you for still being my friend even though I only talk about my horse and I smell like a barn. Dirty Golf Sayings. George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. 3. Winston S. Churchill, You ought to take more exercise if youre inclined to have a liver. Pick your favorite one from more than 86 quotes about funny golf with images and use it wherever you like. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. Thats incredible. Your email address will not be published. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. 2023 Lynn on the Links, LLC All Rights Reserved. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.". We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. Because he walked into the wrong club! What did the golfer say to the hip hop dancer? if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); It took one afternoon on the golf course. Hank Aaron, owner of 755 home runs and one amazing golf quote. "The value of routine; trusting your swing." - Lorii Myers. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? Share these images with quotes about funny golf with family, friends, mates, colleagues, and all your acquaintances. You grind it out. Tiger Woods, 54. You made an 11 on a Par 3 hole? The lowest score wins. Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. Ben Hogan, To find a mans true character, play golf with him. A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Raymond Floyd. "Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. Pretty is as pretty does. Harvey Penick, 61. Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. Why are computers such naturally good golfers? Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". What does a golfer do on his day off? And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." I'm still working on my approach, but I think I have a pretty good swing. Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3. Why a carrot as a logo? Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result. Tommy Armour, 40. Golf puts a mans character on the anvil and his richest qualitiespatience, poise, restraintto the flame. Billy Casper, 16. You are signed up for our newsletter! "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Is everything okay?. Rory McIlroy has a GOOD driver! It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. Ben Hogan, I know I am getting better at golf because Im hitting fewer spectators. But there is a difference between playing well and hitting the ball well. He's the one getting his balls cleaned. Just ask my ex -wives. You okay with that? There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. Ben Hogan, Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. For true success, it matters what our goals are. Discover and share Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. I've got some good news. You can enjoy both of them even if youre terrible at it! Just in case they get a slice! Because subtraction speaks louder than words. I am Jimmy, clown at heart. Required fields are marked *. Golfs a game where you shout, FOUR! and score a seven, while writing down a five. Mini Golf Captions. Nuts! What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Please accept the terms of our newsletter. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. Please add a link to this site. Grip the club as if you were holding a baby bird. Sam Snead, 58. Watch their eyes. No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. Why did Arnold Palmer get beat up? Fantastic 4-some. Peter Jacobson, 33. On the final hole, the match was all even and one of the wives had a long, breaking, fifteen-foot putt to win the match. That's why I'm hoping you, Bleacher Report readers, will add some of your own content in the comments. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? Michael Connelly, The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. Sawdust City LLC. Andy to ave a water golf ball retriever for the round with you! You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? I'd say how hard do I hit it, he'd tell me and I'd swing. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. Jack Lemmon, There are many things you can successfully fake in businessbut a good golf swing isnt one of them. Its to move on. Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? - Bobby Jones I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly. Why didnt the golfer get his homework done? Go to the golf course. I like big putts and I cannot lie. 5. Oh my God, what have I just said?". Clubbing. had to choose, right ? Why don't golfers ever eat pie? 3. Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. In the morning, the woman woke up and arose from bed. Golf is more complicated than that. What kind of model is Paige Spiranac? 5. David Brenner, For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! I just finished a round of golf, wanna be my 19th hole today? Tiagra. It will test your patience. Hit the ball. 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. The fourth putt! What does he do if you miss a putt?, Friend: Somersaults? I have always had a drive that pushed me to try for perfection, and golf is a game that perfection stays just out of reach. Betsy Rawls, 12. Diller's comment is a great take on a bit of traditional golf advice. The means are as important as the ends. Just as in life, you are presented with options; its up to you to decide which ones suit you best. Sandra Haynie, 30. If we weren't, we'd take up a less infuriating hobby, like knitting. Trust is one of the most important qualities in the game of golf. 8. A fan in the crowd said Mr. I like to go low. Are you a Nike One Platinum ball because I'd like to see you on a T? -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. 4. G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. Keep your sense of humor. I told my coach I got a new set of clubs for my wife. A married couple were golfing when all of a sudden the wife asks, Wife: Honey, if I die, will you marry again?, Wife: Will you let her sleep in our bed?, Wife: Would you even let her use my golf clubs?. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. From the best players to ever pick up a club to past presidents of the United States, the game of golf is the great equalizer. A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. Steve Alten, Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Hank Aaron, Golf, golf, golf is all the story! When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. Phyllis Diller, with her outrageous teased hair and housewife caricature stage persona, was a master of delivery and comedic timing. How far do you hit it? said Palmer. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. If you can smoke and drink while youre doin it, its not a sport. Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty Full Text: Keep Calm and Go For A Run Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Beware Of Owner ~ The Dog Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. When a golfer lies, he doesnt have to bring any proof home. Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. I . Whos there? See more ideas about golf quotes, golf, golf humor. In case they get a hole-in-one! ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! It's included here because of the hilarious mental image it evokes. GOLF DIGEST MAY EARN A PORTION OF SALES FROM PRODUCTS THAT ARE PURCHASED THROUGH OUR SITE AS PART OF OUR AFFILIATE PARTNERSHIPS WITH RETAILERS. How would you like to do something I won't do for anyone on the PGA tour? Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. What did Sir Mixalot say after sinking a 14-footer on the green, saving a terrible 3rd stroke into the rough? Knock, knock Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. Ana Claudia Antunes, If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. The grass is clean, a lawn laundry that wipes away the mud, the insect, the bramble, nettle, and thistle, an Eezy-wipe lawn where nothing of life, dirty and glorious, remains. A lot of Seniors love playing golf and also, they love jokes. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! What does a woman do with her asshole before sex? What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? Gone golfin' be back dark thirty. On the Green In Two. I chipped in from the rough!

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